Friday, September 02, 2005

Differences between men and women!

The Differences Between Men and Women are not actually as simple as you would think, but some are actually quite funny-but-true so read on and you will see what i mean. NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah.If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Sh*t-Head and Four-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS Women love cats.Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. What a woman says: C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW. Now i hope that made you smile a bit cos life is about smiling and thinking postively and happy thoughts so i thought i would use this blog to share happy jokes or stories or generally happy stuff to cheer people up when they are down! :-)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Ever think you've had a bad day ...

I think it is probably about time for another post now that I am back from all my various holidays and stuff I've been up to over the summer. So just thought I'd dedicate this blog to anyone that ever feels they are having a really bad day that just couldn't get any worse. Next time you think YOU are having a bad day, just put yourself in the position of these people mentioned below and believe me your day will soon seem not as bad!! STORY 1 A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman. STORY 2 Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.What ? STORY 3 Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. STORY 4 Just remember, it could be worse...The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both. STORY 5 A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While sitting on the bike and racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors. His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband. While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, tipping the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.

STORY 6 Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask in the middle of the forest.A post-mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air and then airborne into smoke heaven

Now don't you feel so much better now?!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

That Love Feeling

Everyone knows what it likes to love someone and be loved back and everyone knows what an amazing experience that is. I certainly do ... well i won't talk too much about that right now cos other people may get bored! Another feeling of love is that feeling knowing that you will never ever be alone ever again because you will always have God with you and every day I am reminded of that every time i read the following poem; One night I had a dream. I dreamed i was walking along the beach with God, and across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene i noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonged to me and the other to God. When the last scene of my life flashed before us I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that at times along the path of life there was only one set of footprints. I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of my life. This really bothered me and I questioned God about it. 'God, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way, but I noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why, in times when I needed you most, you would leave me.' God replied, 'My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you. Now many people may know that poem well and identify it as the FOOTPRINTS poem, but if you haven't heard it before then I would definitely recommend it as a thought when you are feeling low. Anyway, as this is my first ever blog I am not exactly sure as to what to write now so if anyone has any ideas as to how to improve my blog let me know! But just to finish off, since this blog is called THAT LOVE FEELING i thought i should just mention again how great it feels to love someone and know that they love you back and I hope everyone gets to know what that feels like at some point in your life ...